


unde lux est orta (salus invenitur)

by transgirluma (gayapplewhite)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, Italics, Mentions of anyways, Religion, Repetition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 22:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13222431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayapplewhite/pseuds/transgirluma
Summary: “she comes home and repeats the lord’s prayer until her voice is only a scratch and her knees are bleeding and it is then that she knows that the lord will not smite her down.”or; claudine is a sinner who requires salvation.





	unde lux est orta (salus invenitur)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the claudine fic i have had in the back of my mind ever since i joined the fandom and went “holy shit who let frollo have a kid”, and it's finally here! the way i imagine claudine, i see her as having religious ocd, and i have done my best to portray her as such. i do not have ocd myself, so the way i wrote her is based off of research i did, but if i have written her in a way that is offensive or disrespectful, please tell me and i can either change the fic or take it down. her characterization is also loosely based off carrie white in the beginning of carrie. also writing this just made me really sad about claudine. someone save this poor girl and give her proper mental health care. 
> 
> the title is from a traditional christmas carol, “gaudete” and means “whence the light is raised, salvation is found.” please kudos and comment if you enjoyed, it means a lot to me!

claudine is a dirty sinner. she knows so because her father tells her so, and her father is a priest, so he knows of sin. she was born on the isle, to sinners, and so she can never truly rid herself of sin, and her father was gracious enough to take her in when he saw her as a squalling baby.  
( _she is a dirty sinner she is a sinner she is a sinner she is a sinner she is a sinner she was born in sin she is dirty she is dirty wash your hands once wash them three times wash them twenty-one times and your hands are bloody and raw and it is not enough she is a dirty sinner_ ) .

claudine wears high-collared shirts and long skirts. she keeps a tarnished cross around her neck, and she washes in the worn iron tub three times a week. the water is either luke-warm or burns her skin when she is in it. she does not linger in the bath, for fear her father would find her bathing  
( _she is dirty she has committed sin by having breasts and hips and by bleeding and all the things she cannot help. she is a sinner. she is a sinner she is a sinner she is a sinner she is a sinner she has sinned and she is dirty and cannot be free_ ).

she leaves the church as little as possible, for fear god would see her true nature as a sinner. she goes to the market once a week, and prays to god that if she can reach the market in twenty-one steps then she can make it home then he will keep her safe from damnation in the market. she pays for their flour and their dried meats and their apples with twenty-one golden coins her father has given her. if she has any left, she gives them to the beggar children on the edge of the market  
( _if she doesn’t give the coins away she is a sinner and the church will crumble and kill her father and then she’s sinned and she is a killer if she keeps the coins it is selfish she is selfish she cannot keep the coins she must give them to those in need or the church will fall in the church will fall in the church will fall the church will fall it will fall_ ).  
she comes home and repeats the lord’s prayer until her voice is only a scratch and her knees are bleeding and it is then that she knows that the lord will not smite her down. 

she confesses her sins to her father until her lips pour with blood and she can no longer speak and he strikes her across the face and tells her “in the name of the lord, hold your tongue,” but if she does not confess her sins she is holding them in she is letting them fester and rot and  
( _if she does not confess her sins the devil will take hold of her and she will take her father’s bread knife and she will stab him she will stab him she will stab him once she will stab him three times, she will stab him twenty-one times until he is bleeding and dead and she will boil water on the fireplace and plunge her hands in to get them to be clean she has to be clean she has to be clean if she does not confess she will never be clean again_ ). 

she wakes up some mornings, and she knows, somewhere, in her heart, that the apocalypse is upon them, that god has brought his wrath upon them this day and she sobs and wails until she cannot breathe and her heart is racing and she cannot calm down until she sees the night sky, whole as always, sprinkled with glittering stars. if it was the day of revelation, there would be fire in the sky. they would all burn. 

she prays for someone to save her from this island, this isle of sinners, for someone to take her away, but god never does, and she knows it is because a true catholic would overcome, and it is a sin to be weak like she is, it is a sin to want to be saved, and she holds her cross tight within her clasped hands until she bleeds ( _she looks at her cross and imagines that it will burn her, because she is an unholy sinner, she is a sinner, she is a sinner and the cross will burn her if she touches it and it is only by keeping it close that she knows that it will not burn her_ ) and she prays until her knees are bruised and her voice is gone and she is still not off this island, but she tries again, and again, and again, because if she is good enough, if she prays for it enough, god might see her as good, even just for a moment, just for long enough to save her.


End file.
